I consider myself to be a highly logical person so, when I signed up to take Introduction to Logic in college, I thought it would be fun and easy. It was neither. Instead, I found logic to be much more "mathy" than anticipated; and the other people in my class talked too much. Even though I struggled to get through the class, I actually come back to some of the concepts we covered fairly often. One of them was what I’m pretty sure was called the God Complex (remember, I struggled through it, I didn’t ace it...). The God Complex laid out a matrix of possibilities:
Either God exists or He doesn’t. Either you believe in Him or you don’t.
If He doesn’t exist, it doesn’t matter what you believed, you haven’t lost anything in the process.
If He does exist and you don’t believe, you’ve lost everything.
If He does exist and you do believe, you have everything to gain.
A few years back, I was at a place in my life where I wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. If I really believed the things I said I did, how would that change my life; and if I didn’t believe anymore, would anything change at all? I went back to that matrix and decided that it was logical to believe in God, so I would start there.
After a recent conversation with a friend, I realized that although my faith has grown & matured, in a lot of ways I haven’t moved past the need for a logical faith. I don’t know about you, but sometimes God doesn’t seem very logical. My faith tells me that God is good all the time and that He never changes. My logic tells me that God is good when sickness is healed, when the house sells, and the new job comes through. So when the good thing doesn’t happen, how is God still good – where’s the logic in that?
I don’t have all the answers, and trust me, I so wanted to have an answer by the time I got to this point; both in my life and in writing this.
I’d gladly sign up for a class in Paulinian Experience, bright light & enlightenment (minus the blindness part, thank-you-very-much) and be able to wrap this up and slap a bow on it. But one of the beautiful things I’ve learned from this church family is the State of Being “Undone.” For me that means letting God’s truth and love work on me little by little. And, it’s okay to not have all the answers when I want them, maybe not having all the answers ever. This is not a place I’m fully comfortable with yet - on one hand I’d prefer the quick and easy textbook answer, but on the other, it is comforting to know that God is not simple and sometimes faith isn’t either.