I feel like a loser.

I searched for other words to use to describe how I feel.  Something less abrasive…something more eloquent…but nothing seems to describe the way I feel better than that 5-letter word…


I woke up ok.  I didn’t feel like this when I was brushing my teeth or making coffee, but then I turned on my computer and checked my email.

There it was…I knew what it said before I even opened it.

‘we sincerely appreciate the time that you invested in the application and selection process…however…’

You are a loser.

This was a job that I really wanted.  A job that I wanted for the right reasons.  A job that I prayed about. That my family…my friends…some of you prayed about. But, I lost. This is the cherry on the top of a week of bad news (could this only be Tuesday?).  Sunday it was the house that we wanted to buy had another offer on it and we were forced to throw together an offer of our own that we were not truly confident in. Monday it was that our offer was declined and that our ‘sure thing’ for someone buying our current house completely fell apart.

For now, all our plans…

to get a new house…

to pay off old debt…

to get away from the unbearable working conditions of my current job…

Every one of these plans (our plans) fell apart.  Check any definition of the word ‘loser’ in the dictionary and it clearly defines my situation.  

I am a loser.

If you love me, you will keep my commandments.  
And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper,
to be with you forever…
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in
my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your
remembrance all that I have said to you.

-John 14:15-16 & 26

I have often asked people to help me understand what the Holy Spirit really is.  I hear about it all the time, but never really understood what it is. When I was reading the Gospel of John this weekend, I finally got my answer.  The Holy Spirit is my Helper. The Holy Spirit is your helper. Today, a Helper is exactly what I need. It is not like my Helper has not had tremendous success before.  I know that I can count on my Helper.

However, am I willing in my darkness to accept the help?  Am I willing to welcome the Holy Spirit?

No literature is more realistic and honest in facing
the harsh facts of life than the Bible.  At no time is there
the faintest suggestion that the life of
faith exempts us from difficulties.  
What it promises is preservation from all the evil in them.

-Eugene Peterson, from A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

So, am I really a loser?  That is what the enemy wants me to believe about myself.  If I resign to be a loser, then what help can the Holy Spirit offer me?  If I internalize the happenings of the past couple of days, I will resist help and pull away from everyone.   

These happenings…these difficulties are just that…

happenings and difficulties.

Those feelings of being a loser…

those are evil.

Today and every day, I need to turn to scripture.

Today and every day, I need to accept the help of the Holy Spirit.

Today and every day, I need to accept the work of the Holy Spirit in you as we interact.

In the hugs of friends…

In the cups of coffee together…

In the laughs and silly jokes of the kids…

In the sweet kiss from my wife.


Dear Lord, help me to always welcome the Holy Spirit.  I pray that when everyone reads this, that I do not feel like a loser anymore.  I pray that I no longer am closed to help. God, please help me to see in me what you see in me.

Your creation.

Your son.