For Such a Time

Two nights ago, while rocking and nursing my 3-week-old son, I found myself worrying about the future. I was anxious and afraid that Clive would never sleep well and I would in turn not be able to bring him to work with me as planned. I was also convinced that I would not be able to function well at work with my current sleep schedule. Instead of soaking up all of his newborn goodness I was instead stressed about imagined scenarios that wouldn't be taking place for another 4 weeks. When I realized what I was doing, I just stopped and really looked at my son in my arms. I immediately re-centered back to his beauty, his newborn baby smell and the miracle that is new life. How could I miss all of this? How could I inadvertently choose to ignore the tangible now for an unknown future? Why was I trading this actual moment for a perceived future that brought me nothing but stress? It was in this moment that my senses were heightened and I realized just how real now is. 

While rocking in that chair and holding my newborn son, it hit me. God is not tomorrow. Or yesterday. God is now. He is always now. He is right here in this very moment. He created us for now. To breathe and live and feel and taste this moment. Embracing the now. Not wasting it on tomorrow or yesterday or anywhere other than now. 

Sometimes I wonder if time would be better spent differently than I'm currently spending it. I wonder if I should work more or travel more or overall just do more. I worry about whether I love enough or serve enough or sacrifice enough. My eyes wander and I start to question my here and now and lose sight of the beauty all around me. I forget that the divine is here in this moment. I yearn for something "other" instead of savoring the present. Rocking my son and physically sustaining life, I was overcome by the presence of the divine. 

You belong right here, in this now for this moment. Don't wander to someone else's now or even to your own past or future. Savor your current season. Welcome this space where God has placed you. Open your eyes and your heart to this present beauty. Stop and intentionally experience what's around you. Recognize the holiness in all you encounter. Feel the ground beneath your feet and taste the goodness of His provision. He is now, join Him here.